Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My ass is underappreciated
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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