I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
