There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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