I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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