Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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