they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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