You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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