the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
why is half of my head shaved?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
