Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
