God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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