having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My dick has a subreddit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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