He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
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How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
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threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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