The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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