Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
