Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
