you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
dude. I can hear the air.
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