Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
