I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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