Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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