Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
