Me too!
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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