Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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