i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
