WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
