If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
