if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize