I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
