This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm too high and old for this...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
