I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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