I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
