the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
