Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize