she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
