sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
