You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
