Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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