i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
