my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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