Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
