Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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