I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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