Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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