But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
