it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".