I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
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You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Someone shattered a urinal.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
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Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?