I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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