I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Dating After Heartbreak
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.