I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.