I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"