Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
