Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
