He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
