I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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