I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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