Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Dicks are not precious.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
