I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
