You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
