you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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