my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
