i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
