i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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