I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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