Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just found puke in my bra..
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
