Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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