You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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