he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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