I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
