This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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