The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
