Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
