I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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