I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
even my farts smell like vagina
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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